Cougar-Mania!

When a fellow male instructor told me that over the weekend he was attacked by a cougar, I was certain he did not mean a member of the genus puma, concola, Felidae family, but the new fad term given to an older woman seeking the sexual company of a younger man. Not that there is that much of a difference really.


The online Urban Dictionary defines a cougar as: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man.

This to me seems to be a role reversal of the male goings on during the late Victorian/Edwardian social clubs in the heart of London. In such clubs men of wealth and means would cavort with young ladies. The difference being that they had to be kept behind closed doors - the men still had to keep some air of respectability. Today’s cougar however doesn’t need to stay behind closed doors. There are web sites where they can chat with one another, special Happy Hours at restaurants and bars, and even I suspect Cougar Cruises on many bays throughout the United States.

Now being a curious individual, always wanting to know more about the changing world around me, I wanted to find out more about this rising fad of sorts sweeping the nation and the talk show circuits. And after scanning the various web sites that cater to this growing group of female predators, for isn’t that what a cougar is really? And watching the various talk shows excerpts on www.hulu.com where known cougars were paid money to go on national television- specifically during the time period where would-be cougars are likely to be watching, to gain tips on how to become one, I have made the following observations.

Firstly, not all older women can be cougars, judging from the media and television anyway, only those that have money and are still reasonably attractive. However, as we have learned with men, loads of money cancels out looks 85% of the time. This is not to say that an unattractive older woman cannot be a cougar, it just means the type of younger male she will attract will not be Johnny Depp, more like Barney Rubble.

Now I did not come to this observation from a male chauvinistic perspective, this is from my extensive research, and watching those in the know; Oprah, Tyra, Maury and of course the true leaders of American morals - The View. From these I have learned that the conventions of the past are gone – no more hiding your desires in the backrooms, NO MORE! Get it out in the open where you can brag to your girlfriends that you are better than they are! But remember, men must still keep it in the backrooms because it is perverted and ugly when they do it.

Another point I was curious about concerns the age group of the perspective male consort. As we see in the news, having relations with males of the age from 16 to 13 years is illegal – spelled statutory rape, and would only land you on the cover of newspapers, MTV, VH1, TMZ, and paid offers of appearances on any of the shows listed above from my research. So therefore the conclusion to be drawn is that the proposed male must be of legal age and preferably with some facial hair. True that our Edwardian males would align themselves with ladies of 17 years, but those were also ladies who had no money and had many suitors, young and old, to pay for their lodgings. The play by Alexander Dumas Files “Lady of Camille” is a shining example of this sort of thing. The term for these ladies was courtesans.

Then I was struck by a thought, wasn’t there a name for men who dallied with women of a mature nature, and often were paid for their time with gifts and trinkets? I believe the term was gigolo. A gigolo is a male who wished to live a carefree life without any true means of support except for that of an older woman who had more money than he had. All he had to do was to be seen with her, make her feel young, and perform certain services – and yes, I mean that kind too. The point being that this man was looked down upon by society as being nothing more than a male prostitute. But with the new approved vogue of cougar-mania, this man now is no longer a cheap, ugly male hook…, sorry, gold digger, but a sympathetic male who sees a need within a certain sect of society and fills it, (see the perform part again if you missed it).

In conclusion, my hope is that with this new social double standard of the cougar-mania, and the world embracing this step backwards, and will allow the men who have long hidden their needs, can finally come out of the backrooms with THEIR sensitive young female consorts and march blissfully forward hand in hand into the new age of media moral approval and paid talk show profits.

Now if you’ll excuse me – Desperate Housewives is on.

An Animal's Point of View

It is a widely held opinion among the wildlife community that the human race must in fact really dislike the planet Earth. Now this may come as a shock to the human race at large, but it has been a real concern of the animal population since man came out of the trees and began to walk upright and started building civilizations. As far as the animals are concerned, Earth Abuse pretty much started with the establishment of cities, and man believing he is at the top of the food chain.


Now this has not been the case for all of man’s history, the Native Americans, certain African tribes and even the peoples of what has been termed, “backward” cultures, have learned to live with nature and the animals, taking only what they need and wasting nothing. But with the rise of modernization and technology, plus the added increase in fast food franchises, this has all gone by the wayside.

Now it should be stated that all of the human race are not at fault for this problem, in fact it is only a small section of the human population that is of the biggest concern, and if you who are reading this, and are not part of this section, then you can just sit back and laugh at those who are. The groups at fault are those that drive cars, live in environmentally controlled homes, and have cell phones and more than one computer in their environmentally controlled home. These are the people that the animal kingdom feels are the ones who have decided that their world should evolve into a large waste dump, and the quicker the better.

Have you Ever Thought About…

When a seagull dives down to gather food as has been their nature since they evolved from flying lizards, in the crisp and vastness of the ocean and becomes entangled in a plastic multi-looped death trap that is not of nature, but tossed overboard by a passing boat carrying party goers out for a cruise complete with alcoholic refreshments, then it is taken as writ that the seagull should take offense. Even the dolphin swimming behind the boat that swallowed the empty can and choked because his fellows can’t actually help him extract it, due largely to the lack of hands and arms to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

Another such incident occurred when a young deer comes to a stream and lowers her graceful head to sip from a clear stream to taste only dish soap from a campsite where a family has just finished their meal and have cleaned the dishes in the stream just a few yards up from the dear, again one would see the animal kingdoms point. Also the fact that a bear happens to come by to help his friend the deer put stumbles over an empty cardboard carton filled with empty beer cans left by some college kids out for a quiet drink and “forgot” to take it with them, thus causing the bear to fall and injure himself.

Past Earth-to-Waste-Dump Achievements

Let us not overlook the other forms of human quick-destruction elements that have affected the animals:

• Deforestation – home loss for tree living animals, well as oxygen depletion for all life

• Toxic waste – one three eyed fish is a joke, but 6 million dead ones is not

• Air pollution – no it hasn’t gone away, it just not a big a fad problem as in the 60’s and 70’s

• Increase in human population- more people means more need to kill animals for McRibs

But the biggest and most frightening of all is EXTINCTION. This is the one that concerns the wildlife of Earth the most. To put it into terms humans can understand, one day your school or office is filled with all manner of ethnic mixing you can think of, can you picture that? Now let us say that the next day one section of the whole office, say the Asians, seemed to get less, and this continues to the next day, and the next. By week’s end all the Asian are gone; your best friend, your fiancé, your favorite hot girl at the coffee cart. Do you see that picture now? That is what it is like for the animal kingdom, fellow beings gone and never to return, not pretty is it?

Closing Thoughts

So when you see some trash left at a campsite, or along the side of the road while you drive by with your GPS telling you in that annoying HAL 9000 voice, how to drive and where to turn to find tasty McRibs, feel safe and secure in the knowledge that the quick path to planet-to-waste dump is moving ahead as planned. And if you are waiting for a bus or trolley and a bird just happens to leave a bit of waste on your shoulder, don’t get angry, he is just saying, “Thanks for nothing, Mr. High on the food chain.”